Torchwood 2.04 ‘Meat’
Written by Catherine Tregenna
Directed by Colin Teague
Starring John Barrowman, Eve Myles, Gareth David Lloyd, Burn Gorman, Naoko Mori, Kai Owen, Colin Baxter, Patti Clare, Garry Lake, Gerard Carey and Matt Ryan

A motorway accident brings Torchwood Cardiff into contact with a black market alien meat smuggling operation. More worryingly, it brings Gwen and Rhys face to face, and Gwen finds herself forced to question not only whether she should tell Rhys about her work but whether his motives are entirely honest…

Catherine Tregenna wrote two of series 1’s better episodes, ‘Out of Time’ and ‘Captain Jack Harkness’ and as a result, comes into this story uniquely well equipped to deal with it’s dramatic heavy lifting. This is the episode where, at last, the most irritating aspect of the first series is laid to rest. The episode where, once and for all, Rhys finds out what Gwen does for a living and finally buys the same clue everyone else in Cardiff seems to have bought years ago. It should be a character heavy piece that absolutely flies along, it should be a chance to see Torchwood Cardiff in a very different light. It should be one of the highlights of the series. Instead, it’s a mess.

The central plot, superficially, is a welcome, mundane take on the rift that runs through Cardiff. It makes sense that a black market would spring up around the objects and races that fall through and that’s even been hinted at before, serving as arguably the single high spot in series one’s desperately ill-considered ‘Random Shoes’. Unfortunately, here it requires a cognitive leap so big that the story never recovers from it. Simply put, it’s impossible to believe that someone, when faced with a clearly living, clearly alien creature would not only cut a piece off and eat it, but then have the wherewithal to try and make some money from the scheme.

To make matters worse, the effects on the creature itself are an unwelcome combination of poor and over used. The central concept, once again, ironically, is fine; it’s effectively a huge, constantly growing, clearly sentient, regenerating whale. So far, so far Free Willy and in fairness, the first flyover of it works beautifully as a piece of film making. As the creature’s vast form spreads out in front of Rhys, we see not only the alien but Rhys’ horizons and preconceptions shatter. The alien is his looking glass, and seeing it means he’ll never be the same again. Unfortunately, that same flyover is repeated and by the time the creature breaks loose, it looks infinitely less convincing and crucially, far too slight to be a credible threat. It’s all well and good saying bad special effects are a tradition of Doctor Who but that’s frankly no excuse. This is the central mcgufffin of the episode and for it to fall this flat means the episode follows it.

Unfortunately, the whale and Torchwood Cardiff’s singular failure to rescue it also throws up a problem that should have been put to bed for good in the previous season. We are continually told, by the opening voiceover if nothing else, that Torchwood are a top flight, highly trained, completely secret organisation of experts whose job is to arm us against the future.

They are the best of the best, the cream of the crop.

In this episode, they not only get taken apart by penny ante local criminals despite the fact that Jack cannot die thus rendering any hostage situation significantly less jeopardytastic, but also spend the entire episode trying to save the whale only for it to break loose, driven mad with the pain of its constant mutilation.

So they kill it.

Yes, you read that right.

The best of the best euthanise the creature they were sent to save, for, seemingly very little reason. To further compound the problem, out of nowhere at least one team member (Ianto) suddenly gains the terrifying hand to hand skills he needed from the start and goes from boy hostage to terrifying spook in the space of a scene. There’s a total lack of consistency here, a total lack of basic understanding of what Torchwood are supposed to be capable of that’s frustrating as much due to the fact that it’s still turning up in this series as anything else. Everyone involved should know better, characters and writers alike and again, this only damages the script. This inconsistency is even carried over to the big reveal on Gwen’s job, which sees Rhys completely fail to confront her the first time they talk, Gwen and Jack unable to spot Rhys, in his car, follow them onto a piece of waste ground and then assume he’s in cahoots with the alien meat dealers for absolutely no reason. If these people are the best line of defence there is against the Rift, I’ll take UNIT and it’s endless, disposable soldiers, thanks.

There is, despite all this, a bright spot in the episode and that’s Kai Owen. He’s consistently performed well with what he’s been given and here he clearly revels in the experience. His Rhys is a completely normal, desperately likable, average guy. He’s smart enough, he’s worried about Gwen and most of all he wants to know what on Earth’s going on and the fact that he finds out, and is allowed to keep that knowledge, sets up fascinating possibilities for further down the road. Owen is clearly a powerhouse of an actor too, and the scenes where he uncorks on first Eve Myles and then John Barrowman bring out the best in both actors. If there’s any justice, he’ll be an important part of the series from here on in. However, even this brings yet another ill advised choice from series 1 back into play; the relationship between Jack and Gwen. Despite establishing the highly effective and frankly very sweet Jack/Ianto relationship, despite finally giving Kai Owen something to do other than comic relief, for some reason, this pairing is clearly moving ahead in some form and there’s very little positive that can come out of it. Barrowman in particular does great work with what he’s given (His delivery of ‘Then give Rhys my love and I will see you tomorrow’ is electric) and Myles, like Owen, is clearly revelling being something other than a doormat but that doesn’t make this any more of a good plan.

Ultimately, ‘Meat’ is a step backwards after the three episodes that preceded it. Loaded down with almost everything that makes the series a critical target, it’s a lumpen script whose good points never quite outweigh its bad. It’s a shame, because there was the potential for greatness here.