Some of you already know this story.

The Internet came to my college in 1992, and by the end of that Fall, most of my friends had discovered email (by 1994, this discovery had led to the academic suspension and expulsion of people I knew). Since ours was a women's college, we quickly discovered that the Boys were Online, and for the percentage of the student body that was into boyparts, that meant online dating. That our brother school was the Naval Academy only fed the craze from both ends of the cable. My group of friends became friends with a group of Midshipmen, mostly plebes, and because we could, we had nicknames: Sir This, Lady That, Maid Whoever. To this day, I make the perhaps invalid assumption that anyone with "Lady" in her username is pretty new online. I didn't have a nickname at first, because my name didn't flow with any of the honorifics, until one day a friend of mine saw an email from me, which within our system came across as "Servername::Username" and as our server was named Merlin, and I'm a Missy everywhere, she picked my handle for me.

My handle is now old enough to drive and will soon be old enough to vote in Chicago. (That's what's known as "a joke," for the fans in the cheap seats.) There is at least one person on my Livejournal Friends list who is younger than my online name, and that number is only going to go up as friends' kids get older.

Hi. I'm Merlin Missy. MM for short. Merlin the Great and Terrible (pronounced "Merwin the Gweat and Tewwible" because I like Stephen King) when I'm feeling particularly wacky, and MtGaT (all capitalization optional and you should know I mock people who insist on lowercase usernames because I'm mean that way) when I need a username that isn't already taken. I have only ever encountered one mtgat who isn't me; this appears to be a 56 y.o. from Japan who's into bondage porn on YouTube. (Wank on, namebuddy. Wank on.) Have I had other pseuds online? Sure. Different writing forms sometimes get different nom de plumes, especially when I'm trying to keep my 'fic sorted. Those don't get personalities, they get bylines on stories. It's enough of a pain to login to say "Thank you!" for story reviews. Maintaining separate lives? Not worth the aggravation.

That's me. Now, I repeat the part about having been online for almost seventeen years.

In that time, my handle has been associated with my real name in enough places that it wouldn't take much digging, if any, to find me. Reverse-engineering that would be a bit harder, given my name irl, but certainly not impossible. I've had the option of changing my online identity to make myself less noticeable and I've decided against it because for all the wacky that I've done under this name, it's mine. And there has been wacky. Seventeen years in fandom, I've said my share of boneheaded things, gotten into flamewars over pairings, annoyed people, alienated friends, and argued about the cultural significance of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine as a metric of overall social justice in the U.S. As you do. I've also written a lot of fanfic, some good, some very bad, some funny, some porny, most just navel-gazing dressed up in spandex (and occasionally loincloths – you had to be there). I've written essays, at least one of which I still get feedback on about once a week, over a decade after a particular late-night posting session I tend to label in my head as "Merlin is pissed off about something again." Much of this column is me looking back on myself as a younger fan and saying, "You fool! Don't do that!" or, "Wow, that had no right to turn out nearly as well as it did."

I'm here, more or less exactly as I am offline, only louder, a little better at expressing what I want to say (usually – I'm a mess trying to talk to people irl), and much more inclined to feel like I'm part of a community where I belong. I have my name, my reputation (for good or ill) and when I forget the time-honored tradition of walking away from the keyboard for a while to get my thoughts together before replying to someone I disagree with, about a character or a storyline or a political position or basic courtesy online or off, well, I have that too as part of my online history. Dig around enough, and you can probably find a record of every messageboard or mailing list argument I've ever been involved in, and that's a part of me too.

None of that gives you the right to out me. None of that means you get to find the info linking my real name and real life to my fannish stuff and put it somewhere with malicious intent. None of it makes things okay for you to try to hurt me or endanger me or affect my job prospects via employer Google. I'm easy enough to find, and I can live with that, but it's my job to be stupid or sensible about it, not yours.

(cont. on Page 2)