If you don't want to know how ABC's "Life On Mars" ends, stop reading here.

Sam Tyler, a 2008-era cop mysteriously stuck in 1973, wakes up in what he thinks is 2009, but his 1973-era younger self, "Little Sammy", and his father, the crime boss known as "Vic", are in his living room. He's only dreaming. When he does wake up, he's still in 1973, but his beautifully quirky neighbor Windy is unexpectedly in his bed.

Later, at the precinct, he answers a call from the mysterious man who knows more than he'll say, who promises Sam that he can go home if he does three things. The first thing on the list: "Save yourself."

Soon, Rose (Sam's mother) rushes in, distraught that Vic has kidnapped her Little Sammy. The detectives of the 1-2-5 leap into action. Vic is dangerous, and in earlier episodes he had attempted to kill both Annie and Sam.

As Sam and Lt. Gene Hunt stake out Vic's hideout, Hunt describes the 1-2-5 as "a big brick-blasting crime-stopping ass-kicking family." In this bonding moment, Sam tells Hunt his 2008 story, but Hunt laughs it off. "That would explain everything," he says.

Sam goes into Vic's hideout alone, where Vic's minions ambush him. Vic tells Sam that he's the missing piece of the puzzle, the inside man he needs for his next big crime to be successful.

Back at the 1-2-5, Hunt and Ray Carling interrogate Rose for more clues to where Vic would hide Sam and Little Sammy. When Annie and Rose have a heart-to-heart, Rose tells her that when she looks at Sam, who she knows only by the name "Luke Skywalker," she sees him as her Little Sammy "all grown up." She is more right than she knows.

Sam uses Little Sammy's toy rocket to unlock his handcuffs and make his escape. He's in the mysterious place called "Hyde", where he supposedly comes from. It's eerily deserted. It's also where the hit-and-run driver left him for dead in the accident that triggered his time shift from 2008 to 1973.

On the street, Sam is greeted by familiar faces -- the old man and the little girl with the butterfly, both of whom were victims in earlier episodes -- then he hears the odd robot sound, and the everything that he has experienced since arriving in 1973 flashes before his eyes.

Sam finds a telephone and calls the 1-2-5, but the mysterious caller interrupts. "It's the mothership, Sam. It's where it all begins and ends. And the second thing you have to do is duck. Just duck." He does, just as gunshots shatter the phone booth. He runs.

At the precinct, Annie tells the team that she thinks Sam is in Hyde, she "knows it in her bones."

Sam follows a lead that takes him to Vic's boat, where he finds Little Sammy.

But Sam gets ambushed once more, confronts his daddy issues, and engages in mortal combat with his own father. Just as Vic is about to deliver the killing blow, Lt. Hunt shoots him in the back.
 
Back at the precinct, Rose and Little Sammy are reunited, Sam tells her his real name, and Annie is promoted to detective.

Later, back in his apartment, as Windy babbles on about David Bowie and the divinity of Eric Clapton, Sam has a vision of reading Gulliver's Travels to an aging Annie Norris on New Years Eve 2010. Windy tells him to go to her. "She sees everything you see, she always has. Now go to her. She's the one."

So Sam goes to Annie, kisses her boldly on the street, and wholeheartedly chooses to stay in 1973. When the mysterious caller attempts to tell him the third thing he must do to return home, Sam hangs up on him. "Maybe I don't want to go home so badly anymore. I like 1973 and everybody in it."

Hunt comes out of his office and gives Sam a great big hug. "I'll miss you the most, Scarecrow," Hunt says. ....

.... and then Sam wakes up in suspended animation pod #2B on Hyde 125, a spaceship en route to Mars in the year 2035. Apparently there had been some "glitches" in Sam's neurostim program.

The rest of the 1-2-5 are also there, in their own pods, with Colonel Annie Norris as the ranking officer. Ground Control is FBI Special Agent Morris from the previous episode,  and Windy is the ship's computer, which explains how they both know so much about Sam and his adventures in 2008 and 1973.

And Gene Hunt? He's Major Tom -- and he's Sam's father, snake tattoo all all. Talk about having Daddy issues....

My first impressions of the series finale were those of amusement and warm fuzzies. I liked this ending much better than the one of the BBC series. The loose ends, although hopelessly tangled, were indeed all tied up.

But seriously, the "it was all a dream" ending is the oldest, moldiest plot device in the writer's toolbox. Sure, it worked in "The Wizard Of Oz," but it's a lazy way to end a story. (Reference the use of the plot device to explain away entire seasons of "Dallas" and "Rosanne", if you doubt me.)

So "Life On Mars" actually goes to Mars, set to the music of "Ground Control to Major Tom"? The network executives must have come up with that one. It's spectacularly unoriginal, but it does explain why Ray always called Sam "Spaceman". But at least it's a David Bowie song. (They used Elton John's "Rocket Man" in an earlier episode.)

But as Windy told us early on, "Everything is connected." The 1-2-5 really is a family, Sam really does have Daddy issues to resolve, and not only does Annie love Sam -- she outranks him.

(Original air date: April 1, 2009)