Got Browser Problems?

Firefox News is not affiliated with Mozilla. We've been here for well over a decade, longer than Mozilla has existed. We try to make it clear that Firefox News has nothing to do with the browser, but about 75% of the e-mails we get though the site pertain to problems people are having with Firefox-the-browser. We refer these people to Mozilla's web site for assistance.

However, since the problem of name confusion with our virtual neighbors has persisted despite ever-more-clear disclaimers that we are not Firefox, we thought we'd offer up some basic solutions to common browser problems. Please note that these solutions apply to any browser, not just Firefox. They will also work for Opera, Explorer, Chrome, or even Netscape or Mosaic.

If these answers don't work for you, please consult the browser's maker. Most have a web site with useful forums or FAQs.

Question: My computer locks up when I try to open my browser.

Answer: If your computer locks up, this is generally caused by sticky hardware parts. Here is one tried-and-tested solution for any mechanical parts that stick. (It also gets chewing gum out of hair.) Please note that this solution may conduct electricity, and we are not responsible for any damage to your computer or yourself if you actually follow our advice.

Question: My computer freezes up when I try to open my browser.

Answer: Freezing is different than locking up. Try placing your computer in a warmer location.

Question: I click on the browser icon, but nothing happens.

The program doesn't start.

Answer: Try kinetically rebooting your computer. Steel toed boots and considerable force is required for this. We recommend this brand of boots.

Question: My computer operates very slowly when I open my browser.

Answer: You may not have enough RAMs. You can get more RAMs at many of these sites.

Question: I think my browser has a memory leak.

Answer: Recommended sealants for memory leaks included silicon gel, urethane weather stripping, and chewing gum. You may have to access your RAMs to apply the sealant. Please consult your computer's manufacturer to find out how to do this, as we are not responsible for any damage to your computer.

Question: I'm getting random pornographic popups, and my computer's speakers keep making moaning and groaning sounds.

Answer: Your computer's too old and has reached puberty. You may wish to buy a new computer. Your computer will not be usable for the next several years, until it outgrows this phase.

Question: The images on my monitor are displaying upside down.

Answer: Turn your monitor over.

Question: My monitor spun 365 degrees around and spewed green pea soup from the DVD drive.

Answer: If an antiviral program does not resolve this, please consult an exorcist. Your computer may be possessed, and advice on conducting an exorcism is beyond the scope of our site.